Photo via IMDb/Warner Bros.
4/10
Here’s the truth: This movie is shit on ice.
“Speed Racer” is a 2008 movie from the Wachowskis, the same siblings who created and directed “The Matrix” trilogy. Based on the 1967 TV series of the same name, Speed Racer, played by Emile Hirsch, is a young driver in a world of science-fiction, organized crime and corporate espionage.
The world of Speed Racer is like the inside of a kaleidoscope. The mad vibrancy can easily overwhelm you, as can the rapid, unpredictable laws of physics. Racers don’t get caught in spinouts and impossible drifts; they use them to their advantage. Race tracks are knotted over like Matchbox sets, but the countless loops, whorls and jumps are the least of the dangers. The Casa Cristo 5000 cross-country rally runs through a desert kingdom, up the mountains and eventually down a perilous icy cavern where Rex Racer, Speed’s older brother, seemingly died.
In addition, race cars are full of gadgets, with a few individualized quirks. Imagine driving an F1 car with a beehive catapult on the cockpit, or flipping over in mid-air with spiked balls trailing behind while Racer X auto-jacks his car within arms-length and lands an uppercut across your unsuspecting face before you even land.
Unfortunately, non-racing visuals are noticeably underdeveloped. Within the first five minutes, we meet Rex in what looks like an episode of “LazyTown.” The tour of Royalton Industries headquarters is another assault on the senses – particularly the penthouse scene with the lighting reference from hell. Same for the mountain-top gang fight against mobster Cruncher Block.
In terms of plot, it reads like an AI-generated screenplay. Spritle and Chim-Chim, Speed’s little brother and the family’s pet chimpanzee, constantly ruin the story for comic relief. Scenes at Royalton, Casa Cristo and the Grand Prix would have benefitted from their exclusion. Though not annoying, Susan Sarandon as Speed’s mom doesn’t do much of anything and could have also been removed from the script.
Christina Ricci’s character, Trixie, has a much more substantial role. She provides air support for Speed and Racer X at Casa Cristo and even participates in both the race and fight against Block. That said, she doesn’t seem motivated by anything other than Speed’s success. All that can be assumed is that she likes flying and loves Speed Racer.
The Grand Prix finale is easily the best race of all. You can tell most of the budget, time and attention was spent here. The wild kinetic energy and bursting pops of colors completely untether the movie from objective reality, this time to satisfying effect. Speed’s connection with the new Mach 6 is shown beautifully, and his love of racing pays off as he skids over the finish line in first place. It’s nearly a perfect scene.
Racing is obviously part of the Racer family, but we’re rarely shown why they value it so highly. The closest we come are a few good lines from John Goodman’s Pops, where he tells Speed how proud he is of his efforts at Casa Cristo. Since it led nowhere, Speed insists it was meaningless.
“How could it be meaningless?” Pops asked. “I saw my son become a man. I watched him act with courage and integrity and drive the pants off every other driver on that road. This is not meaningless. This is the reason for a father’s life.”
The movie should have built itself around this line. This message isn’t repeated enough, and we only assume Speed is good because he’s the main character and he hates cheaters and rich people (real).
While the Grand Prix is visually stunning, it lacks a solid meaning for the audience. Speed’s victory doesn’t stem from good sportsmanship triumphing over unethical racing. Instead, it comes down to instinct and technical knowledge, both of which were never Speed’s issue.
Despite this, the finale works. Speed gets back in the race, which we always knew he’d win. This is his victory lap, and we get to ride along.
It’s great until the god-awful Spritle and Chim-Chim disclaimer preempts Speed and Trixie’s kiss at the winner’s podium. The movie built their romance through Trixie’s role in Speed’s career, and they talked about reaching the podium together. If anything, Christina Ricci didn’t deserve the interruption.
At least the movie ends at the end. There’s no sequel bait or schmaltzy family barbecue. Just a brief flashback on Racer X, some newspaper headlines tying up loose ends and a cut to the Chim-Chim credits.
Speed Racer is one of those nostalgic “did that really happen?” movies – the kind that electrified your brain as a child, only to fade into vague memory. There are great moments of action, and Michael Giacchino’s score heightens the joy of the races, but it can’t be said to hold up in 2023.
Still, this movie is a fun, ridiculous escape. The design of the Mach 5 alone is enough to stir up nostalgia, and the races are honestly enjoyable. For that, it’s earned a fun rating of 66 Mach 5s out of 67. Hopefully J.J. Abrams’ 2018 announcement of a new series is still being considered, because it would be great to see a better version of this.
SZNS MAG 